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Category Archive Food

Anti-Lovely Lady Lump tips for the Fella’s

Today we’re going to cover a few bullet points of falling off the wagon. Chuck pony style; the kind that leaves you all warm and fuzzy inside, like a Meg Ryan movie (completely normal to cry to Joe And The Volcano).

 
 
Warm Thoughts Only

Warm Thoughts Only

 
 

So here’s the scenario:

 

You’ve decided to finally commit yourself to eating better and working out.

 
 

You’ve been hitting training sessions pretty good, well, as best you can while still leaving optional room for thirsty Thursdays, liquid lunch Fridays and sweetness sweet Saturdays. Not to forget, blow my f*#*ing brains out Monday 🙂

 
 

None the less, you’re Hero-ing 3 days a week! With all due respect I’d say you’re one Celine Dion hit away from complete self-annihilation, however, here are some tips to cool your passive aggressive anger and abandonment fantasies. Take it away Johnny!

 
 
  1. When you want to eat something really-really-really bad, brush your teeth. If that doesn’t work, lift your shirt and gaze at your love lumps in the mirror. If that doesn’t do it, review your life insurance policy and see what it says about obesity and if there’s a Twix or Twinkie clause. Or in most cases, I’d suggest eating a clementine or orange first. Usually the sweetness of the citrus will curb some sugar cravings and lay those lovely lady lumps to rest.
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  3. When you’re having a tantrum on training, remember if you do, you’ll be better than your closest friends at every sport in about 5 years. If that doesn’t help, remember being the HOTT DAD at the playground, BBQ’s, reunions, High School athletic events and the infatuation of all the other moms and wives is ridiculously rewarding.
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  5. Put on a t-shirt from high school, or your favorite jeans or dress shirt that your girlfriend from three girlfriends past gifted you. Does it fit? If not, go on Facebook and find her latest profile pic. Does she look hot? Is her new boyfriend a good looking guy, maybe a little James Dean-esque-bad-boy? If so, I swear you’ll be at the gym and swallowing copious amounts of BCAA’s and protein powder in nanoseconds!
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  7. Call your most successful friend and ask him to meet you at the gym. Usually, seeing someone kick some ass, leads to you kicking more ass! Just don’t slap asses in the gym. Cue the 1980’s-training-room-montage-scene!
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  9. Call your ex-girlfriend, any should suffice, and ask her what went wrong. This list should provide ample weeks of hate and fantastic motivation.
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  11. Go back in your head to a time you got your grill knocked in by the schoolyard bully. Imagine how good it would feel to approach him as an adult after a few months of hitting it hard and knocking his ass out! If he just so happens to be a UFC fighter then maybe you can revert to a memory when the lunch-lady shafted you a full serving of garlic rice ball or shitty corner piece of pizza with two sides of crust…. some people are just evil.
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  13. Watch The Fighter or Rocky. Hell watch Designing Women if Anthony or Mary Jo inspire you. But watch something for fuel!
     

    ADRENALINE SURGE!

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  15. When all else fails pamper yourself bro. Cucumber eyes and facials. LIFE CHANGING!
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LIVE THE DREAM! And adapted from the lyrics of John Lennon “peace and chicken grease”,

 
 

Rob Belley

 
 
Ridiculously Challenging Private Fitness Studio
Marshfield, 4 minutes to the beaches 😉
 
 
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St. Patrick’s Day Drugging

Like any respectable over 21 Bostonian (well, townie suburbanite south of Boston) on St Patrick’s Day I have a Commonwealth responsibility to uphold by honoring a watering hole and taking down a pint or two of beer, preferably Irish.

 

My choice is Guinness, as is most Bostonians on this day. Lucky for me the bar’s tap I attended in Boston flowed endless.

 

HOLIDAY BAR PREPARATION 101: Proper planning goes a long way 😉

 

Now, understand this day I did live my life normally.

 

4-6 organic and tailored meals to my physique and fitness goals with about 1-1½  gallons of water consumed throughout the course of the day.

 

I even had myself a little interval session about 2 hours before my first sip of Guinness at 8pm.

 

ROB’S INTERVAL WORKOUT:
Sled Sprints : 90-225 pounds x 25 yards x 11 sets
Active Recovery between Sprints : Superman’s : 60 seconds AMRAP

 

The above workout took me about 15 minutes.

 

After my training session I instructed a group personal training class for 45 minutes at my private fitness studio in Marshfield, changed, and headed to Boston across from Boston Garden.

 

Now this is when the night still feels familiar.

 

I enjoyed some conversation with one of the regular’s at the bar, which was packed of course, being Thursday night, Boston, and Saint Patrick’s Day. We threw a few Guinness back together and then he proceeded home. In fact, I also indulged in this delicious corned beef dinner with my few beers.

Straight Up BOSTON! Corned Beef Dinner with Guinness

 

Straight up Celtic-Bostonian traditional!

 

Then, as what usually occurs at a bar when I venture out, girls began having conversation with me. Mind you, I do not approach women. It’s not my style. I hang out and let people flow in and out of my space. In fact, I wasn’t even trying to entertain women seeing that I’m sort of involved right now.

 

Well these two girls decided to spend their evening engaged in conversation with me. Each trying to out-due the other as if one were better.

 

NOW HERE’S WHERE THE NIGHT IS NOT-SO-NORMAL.

 

I get up to use the bathroom. Normal.

 

I leave my beer on the bar at this establishment. Normal.

 

It is left with my friend bartending behind the bar. Normal.

 

It is left with two girls sitting next to my drink at the bar. Sort of normal.

 

I come back from the bar having a few more sips of familiar Guinness.

 

Meanwhile still texting friends who may be coming to meet me at the bar as I had been doing the previous two and a half hours.

 

I look at the clock it’s 11:04pm, gave myself a midnight curfew so I could be at my fitness studio to lead another group personal training class at 5:30am.

 

I look at the clock it’s 4:58am, according to my IRONMAN TRIATHLON wristwatch.

 

Just before I saw the clock I opened my eyes to see that there is vomit everywhere in my car, I am freezing. Thankfully not the type who panics I reference my memory to understand how this happened.

 

MY MIND IS BLANK.

 

Completely VACANT.

 

I quickly text my instructor-on-call and let her know that I can not make it to class on time and ask if she could lead it for me. Thankfully she says yes.

 

I attempt to operate my car home and sadly I can merely handle 40mph between the breakdown and the slow lane on I-93 south and Rt-3 south towards my residence in Pembroke.

 

The entire travel trying to understand what went wrong, how much I drank, who let me leave this way, knowing this isn’t normal for myself and hoping that I arrive safely.

 

I get home some 50 minutes later crashing into my bed; feeling awful, unnatural, and completely unhealthy. I know there must be some drug in my system at this point because I have not had a hangover in 15 years practically. This is FAR different.

 

I set my alarm for 8am to try and salvage part of my studio sessions that day (Friday).

 

I have the craziest dreams. So vivid, so real, it’s almost hard to believe they are not.

 

I awake, 10:53am, alarm sounding off, ridiculously late, dozens of missed phone calls and text messages from friends and clients.

 

I fall back asleep near 11:30am and reawaken at 1:40pm.

 

That’s near 12 hours of sleep for someone who averages 3-4 commonly. Seven hours on an occasional lucky day.

 

Until 6pm that evening I felt hazed. I could not even perform quick toe raises without the feeling of my brain meeting a sledgehammer quickly dismantling my every thought.

 

One of the worst effects from being “ruffied” is losing the desire to drink fluids and eat. I went hours before I could put any water in my stomach. Forcing down an organic navel orange took 15-20 minutes. I lost all appetite, but knew it was crucial to begin healing my body efficiently.

 

Now the next morning I woke up, made myself a frozen strawberry, frozen blueberry and frozen blackberries (all organic fruits) shake with low carb protein powder, had my multivitamin and a niacin capsule and headed to the St. Patrick’s Brant Rock 5k being held in Marshfield (office zip : Brant Rock) next to Arthur & Pat’s restaurant. I arrived with some of my dearest and favorite training family/clients. I ran a decent 21:27 (6:42/mile). Came in 42nd overall out of 1651 runners.

 

Im the guy in the white sleeveless wearing bib 1280

 

Not too shabby for a kid who had just been drugged with no control over his body just a day earlier.

 

After the run I headed to my fitness studio, Robert Belley Fitness, and punished my body with a 51 minute intensive session. Just for kicks, here’s my workout below:

 

A1) Outward Press          6-8
A2) DB Row                        4-6
A3) Back Squat                  7-9
A4) Weighted Pull-Ups 3-5

    1 Sledge Hammer        75 sec
    2 Box Jumps                   45 sec

B1) Rack Pulls                     5-8
B2) Bench Press (||)       3-5
B3) Clean                             6-8
B4) X-Over Lunge             3-5

    1 Hanging Leg Raise Hold
    2 Plank

 

It was tough but good.

 

After my second workout I went home and continued to dig a fire pit my roommate Dominic started in the backyard. Nothing like open fire on the lake during the warmer seasons.

 

Now why on Earth would I do all this despite being hung over still from the rufilin (Rohypnol)? Because f**k that guy who drugged me that’s why.

 

I refuse to let someone feel they have the upper hand on me. And to be honest, if it were in a manner of legit ability I’m cool with that. But when someone cheats or tries to under hand I lose it. Very few things in life can do this to me but that is one of my peeves.

 

And honestly, this has long been my stance: if caught with Rohypnol (Flunitrazepam)or similar substance on their persons distributing or implementing it, should be a minimum 5-10 year sentence.

 

There is only intent to control another, dismantle their ability to function, stand, walk, remember, have choice, have freedom and protect themselves. It’s truly horrifying what a drug like that can do to someone’s life. I could have died in my attempt to save myself into my car. I could’ve been hit by an oncoming vehicle crossing the busy intersections of Boston, or fell and nailed my head off a curb or edge.

 

It is a central nervous system depressant in a class of drugs called benzodiazepines. Benzodiazepines are sedative-hypnotics used to treat anxiety, insomnia and sleep disorders, and seizure disorders; they are also used as skeletal-muscle relaxants.
above from http://www.cesar.umd.edu/cesar/drugs/rohypnol.pdf

 

from http://www.a1b2c3.com/drugs/roof_01.htm
Rohypnol has been prescribed as an effective sleeping pill and is also used as a sedative and preanesthetic medication in some countries. The effects of flunitrazepam are fairly long-acting. When combined with alcohol or other drugs, Rohypnol can impair judgment and motor skills and cause memory loss or blackouts (lasting 8 to 24 hours after ingestion). Loss of inhibition can also occur, with or without alcohol. A person under the influence of Rohypnol can appear to be drunk, display no coordination, blood-shot eyes and slurred speech.

 

Sedation can occur as soon as 20 minutes after ingestion. The drug’s effects will peak within 2 hours and may persist for up to 8 hours or more, depending on the dosage. Other adverse effects associated with flunitrazepam include visual disturbances, drowsiness, confusion, decreased blood pressure, memory impairment, gastrointestinal disturbances and urinary retention. When mixed with alcohol, Rohypnol may cause respiratory depression, aspiration or even death. Although classified as a depressant, Rohypnol can rarely induce excitability or aggressive behavior

 

Again, I did not know I did this or that I left because under this drug you have no abilities or control of your actions.

 

EVERYTHING IS VACANT.

 

My driver’s side door is keyed literally over 20 times because I can tell that I must’ve been on my knees, fallen next to my car trying to crawl into it and repeatedly missing the door lock. The scratches travel all the way south along the panel to the bottom of the door. There are key scratches and gouges all around the key lock within 18 inches. That’s how uncoordinated you become on this drug.

 

It’s deadly and absolutely abusive to do this to someone.

 

Thank god I did not drive my vehicle under that condition and had the sense to just sit, lock myself in, and throw the keys on the passenger area as to not reach easily. If I had driven I would’ve killed someone or myself potentially. And most likely it would’ve appeared as drunk-driving although it was obviously the furthest from.

 

Placing someone’s life in a position where they have absolutely no control over it through a chemical means is attempted murder. No doubt.

 

You have no way to predict what will happen next to that individual while they react or behave under said influence. I could’ve been beaten in the street for bumping into the wrong headstrong person that night and woken up in an alley stabbed, murdered and robbed. Who knows?

 

The possibilities under that influence are devastating.

 

AND THANK GOD IT HAPPENED TO ME AND NOT A WOMAN THAT NIGHT AT THE BAR.

 

At least I’m a durable, strong metabolism, calm individual under said situation who can take a load of abuse before something would ever give. I can only imagine others may have gone to the hospital, stomach pumped, or been raped or robbed or…

 

I’m fortunate it happened to me and not to a female at the bar. I hope.

 

So please, if anything, always hold your drink in your hand. Even if you’re somewhere you feel safe and know people do not let your hands off of your drink.

 

It’s rare for guys to be ruffied but when there are jealous and insecure people around anything can happen to confident individuals as myself. Just be careful.

 
 

Rob

 

www.RBFIT.com

 

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Holy F$#% Where Did That Come From?!

Holy F$#% Where Did That Come From?!

Its second set of hips season again 😉

As you all know, Holidays actually spells Crisco… for technical term, reference Belley’s Dictionary:

Ho-li-days adv
Definition of HOLIDAYS
: the seasonal period between the gobble gobble gee and the fat bearded man who chimney sweeps and races deer : often times encompassing the famed days of absurdly pathological drinking and collegiate level bowl hangover viewing

 HOLIDAYS used in context
“OMG, Becky. Look at her butt. It is so big. She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends… They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, ok. I mean her butt. It’s just so big. I can’t believe it’s just so round. It’s just so out there. I mean, GROSS.”
First known use of Holidays
circa B.C. “Does thie brontosaurus burger make me look fat?”
 
 
 
 

Do you want to be the obsessively stared at second butt to Becky and her BFF?

I’d think not.

Don't be too tight spandex girl at the Burger King

So let’s avoid the unofficially knighted Sir Mix-A-Lot’s theory and suggestion to “Playin workout tapes by Fonda. But Fonda ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda” because he clearly did not foresee high fructose corn syrup and McDonald’s terrorizing weaker Americans fat cells.

 

But I guess when you’re knighted by 23 with no University or England affiliation and your entire catalog is about bums what can you ask for?

This Has To Be a Fake. His head is ginormous

He may have won a Grammy but that doesn’t make him a dietician or successful physique coach. But it does make him a double platinum selling artist and MTV award winner.
 
 
 
 

And none the less, he’ll never overtake the King and his Burger Sponge Bob promo. Mix-a-Lot changed his lyrics just for the king… although kind of perverse to lure young children for toys into the burger lair.

This guy will tell ya something about fat booties

I heart America J

Next post, I’ll tell you all about the real rigors of becoming Miss Massachusetts 😉 Little did I know being over the age of 25 and being a man constitutes no-entry to the event… formalities.

Live the dream square pant obesity protesting friends,

 

Rob Belley 

 

*FAN us on Facebook, at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Marshfield-MA/Robert-Belley-Fitness-Marshfields-Funnest-Fat-Loss-Beach-Body-Studio/174797574837